40....It ain't no big deal! Right?

Last week I had my first celebration for my upcoming birthday. I remember the first moment that I had a negative feeling about turning 40. A co-worker who shall remain nameless said...."Oh my gosh..you're turning 40???? I can't believe you're turning 40!!! Now I can choose to think that this friend was merely commenting on the fact that I only look 23. Or did that person mean that there is something about turning 40 that says something that I'm not sure I want to say. Now to be clear my 30's were not the best years of my life, but there is something about saying that you are in your 30's. It could mean that you are only 32. Where as now saying I am in my 40's could mean I was 49 which....well you all know what that means!!!! So what does 40 signify? Wisdom?? I'll wait till 50 to be called wise. So I'm thinking based on the few moments that I have pondered leading up to the big day on Saturday that perhaps turning 40 means that I know just a few more things then I did before.

-Like I know that God loves me. Sounds like a no brainer but I am through with the condemnation crap that I have lived under for the first 40 years. He is not shaking His head thinking of all that I could have been.

-I know more of who I am. For the first time in a long time I am not as worried what other people think but more about what I think and what God thinks.

-I know that I have some things about myself I still don't like, but instead of beating myself up I am trying to think of solutions. For example....fat??? lose weight...lost all of the time???? get GPS...... unorganized??? embrace the fact that what appears to be unorganized to others in some weird way makes sense to me.

I probably will know more next week when I actually turn 40! Until then, I will live a few more days in the ignorant bliss of my 30's!